Last night Hayden was very anxious about the start of school. He was worried that his combination lock was too slow, that he didn’t know where to go first (his locker or homeroom), and that he wouldn’t find his classes. Joseph and I told him that there would be lots of teachers there to help, and that he could ask an adult if he wasn’t sure what to do.
I worried that he wouldn’t pay attention on the bus ride home, and would miss his stop. I worried that he would get upset with himself, or feel embarrassed about something. I worried that I hadn’t done enough to prepare him for so many changes at once.
But today Hayden walked into school as a 7th grader. He independently went to the cafeteria to wait for school to start. He asked an adult where to go first (locker, then homeroom). He found his new locker and used the new combination. He shared his new phone number with his friends. He went to all of his classes and as far as I know, had zero issues. He paid attention on the bus and when he saw his neighborhood, he got off the bus at the right stop.
He used his new house key to come in the house and texted me and Joseph when he got inside. He followed his checklist and chatted with Grandma and Grandpa, who came by to make sure his first day went ok. He texted me that he didn’t have any homework, and later asked if he could play Minecraft with his friends. He and his friends were on different platforms and the game wouldn’t work, but Hayden tried several different ideas and wasn’t overly frustrated when they all gave up.
He said “ok” when I told him screen time was up and stopped playing his game. He came to the kitchen and started cooking his dinner when I asked him to. He made spaghetti with meat sauce on his own, without fear of the hot stove, and when he accidentally dropped some ground beef on the floor, his frustration level was only a 3/10 instead of an 8/10. When the noodle water started to overflow, he calmly moved it off the heat.
When I asked if he wanted to get his shower while I finished up his dinner, he said, “Well of course I’ll take you up on that.” Usually there is complaining about showering, even though he loves it once he’s in there.
He got his towel on his own but shouted for me after a minute. Rylie went up to see what he wanted (he forgot his washcloth), so I brought him one. He’s long struggled with time management in the shower, but today he washed his hair and body quickly and came back downstairs.
He asked if I put spices in his spaghetti and I told him I didn’t know how much he likes. So he said, “Oh, just a sprinkle” and proceeded to get garlic powder, oregano and onion powder out of the drawer. When he couldn’t find the onion powder he asked for help, but ended up spotting it in the drawer when I couldn’t find it. He sprinkled spices on his food without help.
I told him, “when you finish eating and taking your pills [vitamins], come upstairs. We’ll do some quick housework together and then you can have more screen time.” He didn’t hear me so I had to repeat myself. He said something rude about Rylie and I told him to be nice. (He’s a teenager, so I give grace.)
In a few minutes he came upstairs on his own and helped sort laundry with me and Rylie. Then we went downstairs and he chose to take out the recycling instead of doing dishes, but wanted a short break first. After a few minutes of him planted head-first on the couch, I told him that he would need to get going if he wanted more screen time before bed. He popped up and took out the recycling, forgetting that it’s in the garage and not outside, but remembering to bring back the plastic bag.
At bedtime I was joking with Rylie to bring me some of her hangers “stat”. He walked by and said, “Oh, is that a Short Circuit [movie] reference?” [It was.]
As I said good night to him and we talked about his day, I explained that he needed to be careful about what he said to his friends on his phone. I’m used to repeating myself about three times with him, telling him the same thing but in a different way so that he hears me and understands. He’s always had trouble focusing and processing. After I said it the third time he got annoyed and said, “Ok mom, I get it.”
So to lighten the mood before bed on his amazing first day, I started to say the Squirrel Pledge of Allegiance. I’m not sure why I came up with it or what all was in there, something about thanking cats for not eating me. I ended it with an Amen.
Hayden said, “Do squirrels even believe in Jesus?”
And we cracked up.
Yesterday I worried that he wouldn’t be able to do today, but deep down I knew that he would. He not only did today, he rocked it. Today he did things no one would have imagined him doing on his own nine years ago, or frankly even a year ago. Nearly every thing I’ve listed him doing in this story, he could not do on his own until recently.
Looking back at his diagnostic report at age 4, absolutely zero hope was given to me as a parent. It recommended medication first and foremost to “manage” his behaviors, then various therapies. But it didn’t say that he could get better. I know every child is different. But I also know in my heart that every child can improve in some way. They can have a better quality of life than what’s portrayed on that piece of paper.
I write about Hayden because I’m his mom and I’m proud of him. Not just as a person with autism, but as a person. I’m proud of who he is and what he does, and what he’s overcome.
I also write about Hayden, with his permission, to give others Hope. Because nowhere on that damn paper, the one that listed the thousand things he couldn’t do well and the three he could, did it ever say that someday he might be able to ride the bus home alone and have a conversation.
So I want to write a new paper. To tell all the moms and dads that they can change that crappy paper they got. They can write their own, but we can share ideas and work together. Their paper will look different from mine. But all of our papers can have good things. More good things than bad.
My paper will start with, “There is Hope for Autism.”
And it will end with a picture of Hayden.
Hayden IS Hope
Autism is treatable
FUA
I worried that he wouldn’t pay attention on the bus ride home, and would miss his stop. I worried that he would get upset with himself, or feel embarrassed about something. I worried that I hadn’t done enough to prepare him for so many changes at once.
But today Hayden walked into school as a 7th grader. He independently went to the cafeteria to wait for school to start. He asked an adult where to go first (locker, then homeroom). He found his new locker and used the new combination. He shared his new phone number with his friends. He went to all of his classes and as far as I know, had zero issues. He paid attention on the bus and when he saw his neighborhood, he got off the bus at the right stop.
He used his new house key to come in the house and texted me and Joseph when he got inside. He followed his checklist and chatted with Grandma and Grandpa, who came by to make sure his first day went ok. He texted me that he didn’t have any homework, and later asked if he could play Minecraft with his friends. He and his friends were on different platforms and the game wouldn’t work, but Hayden tried several different ideas and wasn’t overly frustrated when they all gave up.
He said “ok” when I told him screen time was up and stopped playing his game. He came to the kitchen and started cooking his dinner when I asked him to. He made spaghetti with meat sauce on his own, without fear of the hot stove, and when he accidentally dropped some ground beef on the floor, his frustration level was only a 3/10 instead of an 8/10. When the noodle water started to overflow, he calmly moved it off the heat.
When I asked if he wanted to get his shower while I finished up his dinner, he said, “Well of course I’ll take you up on that.” Usually there is complaining about showering, even though he loves it once he’s in there.
He got his towel on his own but shouted for me after a minute. Rylie went up to see what he wanted (he forgot his washcloth), so I brought him one. He’s long struggled with time management in the shower, but today he washed his hair and body quickly and came back downstairs.
He asked if I put spices in his spaghetti and I told him I didn’t know how much he likes. So he said, “Oh, just a sprinkle” and proceeded to get garlic powder, oregano and onion powder out of the drawer. When he couldn’t find the onion powder he asked for help, but ended up spotting it in the drawer when I couldn’t find it. He sprinkled spices on his food without help.
I told him, “when you finish eating and taking your pills [vitamins], come upstairs. We’ll do some quick housework together and then you can have more screen time.” He didn’t hear me so I had to repeat myself. He said something rude about Rylie and I told him to be nice. (He’s a teenager, so I give grace.)
In a few minutes he came upstairs on his own and helped sort laundry with me and Rylie. Then we went downstairs and he chose to take out the recycling instead of doing dishes, but wanted a short break first. After a few minutes of him planted head-first on the couch, I told him that he would need to get going if he wanted more screen time before bed. He popped up and took out the recycling, forgetting that it’s in the garage and not outside, but remembering to bring back the plastic bag.
At bedtime I was joking with Rylie to bring me some of her hangers “stat”. He walked by and said, “Oh, is that a Short Circuit [movie] reference?” [It was.]
As I said good night to him and we talked about his day, I explained that he needed to be careful about what he said to his friends on his phone. I’m used to repeating myself about three times with him, telling him the same thing but in a different way so that he hears me and understands. He’s always had trouble focusing and processing. After I said it the third time he got annoyed and said, “Ok mom, I get it.”
So to lighten the mood before bed on his amazing first day, I started to say the Squirrel Pledge of Allegiance. I’m not sure why I came up with it or what all was in there, something about thanking cats for not eating me. I ended it with an Amen.
Hayden said, “Do squirrels even believe in Jesus?”
And we cracked up.
Yesterday I worried that he wouldn’t be able to do today, but deep down I knew that he would. He not only did today, he rocked it. Today he did things no one would have imagined him doing on his own nine years ago, or frankly even a year ago. Nearly every thing I’ve listed him doing in this story, he could not do on his own until recently.
Looking back at his diagnostic report at age 4, absolutely zero hope was given to me as a parent. It recommended medication first and foremost to “manage” his behaviors, then various therapies. But it didn’t say that he could get better. I know every child is different. But I also know in my heart that every child can improve in some way. They can have a better quality of life than what’s portrayed on that piece of paper.
I write about Hayden because I’m his mom and I’m proud of him. Not just as a person with autism, but as a person. I’m proud of who he is and what he does, and what he’s overcome.
I also write about Hayden, with his permission, to give others Hope. Because nowhere on that damn paper, the one that listed the thousand things he couldn’t do well and the three he could, did it ever say that someday he might be able to ride the bus home alone and have a conversation.
So I want to write a new paper. To tell all the moms and dads that they can change that crappy paper they got. They can write their own, but we can share ideas and work together. Their paper will look different from mine. But all of our papers can have good things. More good things than bad.
My paper will start with, “There is Hope for Autism.”
And it will end with a picture of Hayden.
Hayden IS Hope
Autism is treatable
FUA
(From yesterday's Facebook post about Hayden's first day)
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